


Are You...

by TheSaioumaShipper



Series: Truth and Lies [3]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Acceptance, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Crying, Fluff, Gender Dysphoria, Hugs, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Periods, Trans Male Character, Trans Saihara Shuichi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:48:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24529393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSaioumaShipper/pseuds/TheSaioumaShipper
Summary: Shuichi's period starts since he hasn't had testosterone shots since they've been trapped. He locks himself in his room so no one finds out his secret.This action causes his boyfriend to worry.
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Series: Truth and Lies [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1856626
Comments: 7
Kudos: 175





	Are You...

**Author's Note:**

> I should tell you guys that I am not trans and thus I don't really understand everything. I did some research for this chapter and understand enough to make this, but if I get anything wrong, please let me know
> 
> I didn't intentionally plan on writing this during Pride Month, it just happened
> 
> TW: Teeny, tiny mention of suicidal thoughts

**Shuichi's POV**

I randomly woke up late one night. I didn't have a nightmare and nothing loud woke me up. I just woke up. And quite frankly, I'm glad I did.

I felt something around my crotch area. I thought I had peed myself, but the liquid felt too thick. Then I remembered when I felt pain around my abdomen. Cramps.

I lifted the covers and saw blood all over the front of my boxers and the sheets. It wasn't too terribly bad, but the problem was that the blood was even there. I sighed and got out of bed. I hate all of this. I didn't have testosterone, so of course it was only a matter of time before my period started again.

That's right. I, Shuichi Saihara, was born with a female body. Of course, no one in this place knew. Not even my boyfriend. I honestly thought I'd be safe and not have to tell them. I wasn't ready to tell them, I just couldn't. But before I could even think about that, I have to clean up this mess.

After taking a quick shower, I took the bloody sheets off, relieved it didn't bleed through to the mattress. I didn't want to go to Kirumi to clean these, she'd be too suspicious. I guess I can only ask him.

"Hey, Monokuma?" "Do you prefer pads or tampons?" I jumped at how fast he got here. I turned and saw the black and white bear holding two boxes of the products he said. "Wait, how did you..." "I'm the headmaster of this school, I have to make sure my students are cared for."

I guess that's kind? I mean, he brought the products I would need. "I'm not gonna out you and I know you don't want to tell them." He muttered something under his breath before looking back up at me. "Just don't get blood on anything that isn't easy to wash. If you want the pads, I suggest using panties since they aren't gonna work on boxers."

I hesitated for a second. He could out me at any time, that's the easiest way to make me feel despair. But he wasn't going to. Just one more mystery for this school. He gave me the box of pads, I was never a fan of tampons, and came back with panties. My dysphoria was going to be through the roof this week since my binder was just going to make my cramps worse. I was gonna be in my room during this time, so no need for it anyway.

Monokuma took the bloody articles and left, leaving me to my thoughts. Why did I have to born with a female body? I wouldn't have to hide anything, I wouldn't have to lie so they wouldn't find out about my period. I'm a boy, I should have a boy's body.

I just couldn't tell them. Kaito was homophobic, that's why Kokichi and I kept our relationship a secret. Who knew what he would do if he found about this? And Kokichi...

Would he leave me? Would he be disgusted? Would he think I lied to him? God, I haven't had these thoughts in a long time and my clothes were only making things worse.

I laid down and covered myself with my blanket, going back to sleep to get my mind off my situation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It'd been a couple of days since I locked myself away. I lied and said I was sick and everyone just seemed to accept it, which was a relief. I only answered the door for Kirumi, who would bring me food and medicine. I mainly just laid in my bed wearing nothing but underwear and a shirt, not wanting to get blood on anything else, and read the books I would ask Kirumi to bring.

Kokichi was always coming around, wanting to check on his beloved Saihara-chan, but I just kept quiet when he came by. I was still so scared of what would happen if he found out.

I was leaning on the headboard, reading a mystery novel, and slowly piecing together what was going on. It was quiet for a good hour before a knock at my door made me jump. "Oh, Saihara-chan~" I heard a familiar voice through the door. I kept silent as Kokichi continued knocking. "Saihara-chan, are you ignoring me?"

I shrunk down behind my book, hoping he would go away. After a moment, he stopped. "Saihara, I'm worried. If you need to talk, I'm here. Please let me in." I thought about it for a second. Now would be a good time to tell him, get it off my chest. But my anxiety wouldn't let me. I'm keeping such a big secret from him and it's one that isn't exactly socially acceptable. I didn't want to see the look on his face when I told him about my body.

For a moment, I thought he left. But then I heard his voice again. "We don't HAVE to talk. But I wanna make sure you're okay. At least tell me that." Guilt began to weigh on my heart. I should at least let him know I'm not dead. Though, I might as well be right now with how much blood I've bled. The human body sure is a mystery.

"I-I'm okay, Kokichi! I'm just really sick." I let out a fake cough. I could imagine him breathing a sigh of relief. "At least you're still breathing. I'm gonna go now." I felt like he had more to say, but he couldn't. With that, I heard his footsteps fade away. I felt a pang of guilt in my heart and I honestly wanted to cry. I hated this, I really hate it. I hate having to lie to my boyfriend, my friends. I hate having this body. I wish I had never been born.

My eyes widened and I slapped my cheeks. No, I can't think that, never again.

Sighing, I opened my book to get my mind off of what just happened. As I turned the page, I felt a wave of pain in my abdomen. Goddamn it, I hate cramps. I can't exactly ask for chocolate either. So what could help?

I smiled as an idea popped into my head. A nice warm shower. Sure, I'd have to look at my body, but only briefly. I bookmarked my place and went into the bathroom, turning the water on for it to warm up. The water running overtook the sound of my door opening.

**Kokichi's POV**

I was worried. Shuichi wouldn't come out of his room. Sure, Kirumi brought food to him, but I was worried about why he locked himself away. I know he was lying about being sick, but I didn't want to barge in. I finally earned his trust and we were even in a relationship. I didn't want that to shatter just because I was anxious.

The last time I checked up on him, I was glad he finally responded. But he still didn't open the door. He, again, said he was sick and did the world's fakest cough. But my anxiety took over and I didn't demand he open up.

Now, here I was, holding a tray of food for him. Kirumi told me she always left it at the door and he would bring it in when she left, but I wasn't going to do that. My worry for him became too much.

I put the tray on the ground and grabbed my tools, picking the lock as quietly as I could. I heard a click and slowly opened the door, hearing the shower running. We weren't at that point in our relationship I could barge in, and even if we were, I still wouldn't do that.

I picked up the tray and walked in, quietly closing the door and walking to the desk, placing the food on it. After setting it down, I scanned the room, noticing a skin-colored tank-top hanging on the back of the armchair with a few pairs of panties in the seat. My boyfriend wore panties? I'm not judging him, he just didn't seem the type to wear that kind of underwear.

I know I should have left after bringing the food, but he'd know I was in here anyway. I can't turn back, I have to make sure my beloved is okay. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a book. Grabbing it, I looked at the cover. 'A Man of Shadows.' Interesting name.

While Shuichi was in the shower, I decided to read the book. I wasn't one for reading, but the book was pretty interesting so far.

I was so absorbed in the book, I didn't hear the water stop or the creak of the door opening. It wasn't until I heard a sharp gasp that I looked up from the book. "Ah, Saihara-chan!" I closed the book and stood up, looking at my adorable boyfriend. But when I looked at his face, I saw hurt and betrayal.

That was when I noticed the way the towel was wrapped around his body. It wrapped around his chest and I saw he had some curves.

Wait.

 _'Panties? The skin-colored tank-top? Curves? The way he wrapped the towel? How he's been acting? Oh my God.'_ "Shuichi, are you-" Get out!" I jumped at the sudden outburst. "Shuichi..." I took a step toward him, but he took one back. "I said get out, Kokichi!" He yelled my given name and I saw tears beginning to well up in his eyes.

My heart felt heavy. I wanted to stay, talk things out. But I knew he didn't want to see me right now. Looking down at the ground, I nodded and walked to the door, Shuichi stepping out of the way. Closing the door behind me, I could hear the quiet sobs behind it, making my heart hurt. I caused this. All because of my worry and curiosity, I broke my boyfriend's trust and his heart.

I could feel my anxiety building up and my thinking slowed down. 'No, not now.' But I couldn't control this. I had to get somewhere safe. I quickly ran to my room and slammed the door shut just as it took over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_'Why am I here?'_

It'd been 28 hours and 36 minutes since I saw Shuichi. It took half that time to recover from my predicament. The other half was spent trying to figure out how to apologize. That was, if I could get him to talk to me.

So there I stood. In front of Shuichi's door with my fist raised, ready to knock. The night announcement just rang and the last student went to their room, leaving me in the entrance hall alone.

I felt my anxiety beginning to grow and I slapped myself. 'Not now. I need to talk to Shuichi.' Taking a few deep breaths, my heart slowed and I looked at the door. Raising my fist, I quietly knocked. After a moment, I heard the voice I grew to love. "Who is it at this hour?"

My heart began to speed up a little as I cleared my throat. "It's, um. It's Kokichi." Silence. A moment later the door opened a little, a pale golden eye looking back at me. "What do you want, Ouma." I felt sweat beginning to form as I fiddled with my shirt sleeve. He hadn't called me that since I allowed him to call me my given name. "Could we talk? Please?"

The eye squinted at me in a glare. I half expected him to shut the door in my face, but he spoke again. "All I'm wearing is my underwear and a shirt. I don't feel like putting pants on." In a normal situation, I would be flustered. But this was a serious matter. "That's fine, whatever makes you comfortable."

He glanced away for a second before the door opened wide. I walked in enough so Shuichi could close the door. When I turned to look at him, I saw he wasn't lying about his attire. He wore his normal white button-up and black panties.

When Shuichi turned, I saw the top button was unbuttoned. Before, Shuichi was covering his chest, so I didn't really see a difference then. It wasn't busty like the girls', but it was definitely fuller than I remember.

The boy walked past me and sat on the bed, not looking at me as I followed him. We sat there in silence, everything I had planned to say running out the door. "Saihara-kun, I'm sorry." He didn't speak, making me look up and see he still wasn't looking at me.

"Explain yourself. Why were you in my room?" He turned enough to look at me out of the corner of his eye. I bit my lip and pulled at my sleeve. "I was just worried. You were locking yourself up. I didn't know what to think until you finally spoke to me yesterday. I knew you were lying about being sick and I was scared you were doing something."

I tried to put my hand on his shoulder, but he scooted away. My hand recoiled and fell to my side. "I'm really sorry, Saihara-kun. I shouldn't have broken in, I should have just trusted you." He still didn't speak. I felt my heart beginning to speed up again and I thought I was going to slip into it. Hell, I wouldn't mind since I already knew his secret. But I wouldn't be able to handle this situation seriously if I did.

Finally, he spoke. It was a quiet mutter as he looked up at me with his beautiful eyes. "Could you repeat that?" I asked innocently, hoping he wouldn't snap. If he did, I certainly would turn.

"Do you still want to be with me?"

My eyes widened. That's what he thought? He thought I would leave him because of the body he was born with? Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around his figure. He struggled to get out, but not that hard. "Shuichi, of course I do. I don't care about your body." I pulled back enough to look Shuichi in the eyes, which were beginning to fill with tears.

"I fell in love with you because of who you were, not because of your body." Shuichi's eyes widened and I realize what I said. Then, I smiled and wiped a tear that had fallen from his eyes. "I love you, Shuichi. Nothing is going to change that." I thought Shuichi would be the one to say 'I love you' first, but that was before this.

That seemed to do it. He began to cry and threw his arms around me, burying his face in my chest. I rubbed his back and placed my lips on the top of his head, giving him a long kiss. We stayed like that for a while, Shuichi's quiet sobs filling the room.

When his sobs slowed down, he lifted his head and wiped his remaining tears away. "I-I l-love you t-too, K-K-Kokichi," he said through his staggered breathing, sucking in air sharply before another sob escaped his lips. I rubbed his arm as the last of his sobs came out.

"I should have let you come to me with the truth instead of barging in." Shuichi chuckled and nodded. "I was so scared of what you would do, what you would say. We were already keeping our relationship a secret and I didn't want it to seem like I couldn't trust you." I shushed him quietly. "I completely understand. You could've waited until you were on your deathbed to tell me and I still wouldn't have left you."

Shuichi smiled softly. He then leaned down and kissed me on my cheek, snuggling his head into my shoulder. "It's going to take some time to trust you again, but if you're not willing to wait..." he looked up at me. I didn't think he could get any cuter. "I'm perfectly fine with that. I can wait as long as you need." I felt him relax and he smiled. "But can you at least tell me why you're held up in your room? You had your binder, so..."

He raised his head and blushed. "I started my period and my binder makes the cramps worse. Plus, I didn't want to get blood on anything and have Kirumi get suspicious." I was a bit confused. We've been in this place for a few months and he hadn't locked himself up before. I guess Shuichi caught on. "I haven't had testosterone shots since coming here, so my body doesn't have enough to stop my period." I made an 'oh' face and nodded. I felt like I understood Shuichi a bit more.

I then yawned, remembering what time it was. "Are you okay now?" Shuichi didn't say anything, he just gripped my sleeve.

"Could you stay? We've never really cuddled before, but now that you know..." I smiled and nodded. He laid down in the bed as I kicked my shoes off and put my scarf and belt on the desk. I crawled into bed and wrapped my arms around him, my boyfriend resting his head on my chest. "In the morning, you have to get me chocolate. I haven't been able to ask for any since I'm supposed to sick."

I laughed and smirked. "What do I get in return?" He looked from my chest with a smug look. He then leaned up and kissed me on the nose. "You're getting close~" He then kissed me on the cheek. I pouted. "Now you're just teasing." Shuichi chuckled and pressed his lips on mine, staying there for a moment. When he pulled away, he looked into my eyes and smiled.

"How did I end up with someone like you?" "Shouldn't I be asking that?" He rolled his eyes. "By the way, can you call me Saihara-chan again? I like it," He asked timidly, playing with one of the buttons on my shirt. I looked at him surprised. "Isn't that disrespectful?" Shuichi shook his head. "If it's coming from you, I don't mind."

It was my turn to smile. I nodded and gave him a peck on the lips before he snuggled back into my chest. "Goodnight, Kokichi." I ran my fingers through Shuichi's hair as I felt his breathing slow. "Goodnight, my beloved Saihara-chan."

He was right, it was going to take some time for him to trust me again. But Shuichi was worth waiting for. I wasn't going anywhere any time soon.

Now I just have to find the right time to tell him my secret.


End file.
